There is a Reason why men are usually called Handsome and not pretty.
Lets explore All the facets of what it means to be Handsome.
Overview
A How you look
1 Physicality
2 Style/Grooming
3 Genetics
4 Epigenetics
B How you think/speak
5 Intellectuality
6 Tonality
7 Humor
C How you are
8 Personality
D How you are Perceived
9 Frame
10 (Archetypical) Nature
A How you Look
1 Physicality.
To be handsome Dont look like a pencil neck, spaghetti armed dweeb. Gain a minimum of 20lbs of muscle b4 u start to blame your physique for not getting girls.
Dont Overdo it, girls dont give a F about RWBB sh, Guys do.
At one point you’re Too jacked giving Diminishing marginal returns and Most of the attention you’ll be getting is from other bros at the gym. But ur prolly not there yet, and no one ever got jacked by accident. Put in the work.
Sidenote: have u seen the Players? They’re Usually not jacked
So, being in shape matters, but Up to a Certain point. And it will Lessen the burden on you when you approach a girl. Bc now ur in shape and have something to be proud of, which matters, which u exude.
2 Style/Grooming
From my personal experience its about two main steps.
One, copy the F outta people you wanna dress like. Don Draper wearing a suit, he handsome in Your eyes, wear a suit, for all I care.
Get in the reps, rlly live in Step One, before you move on.
Step Two is needed: Experimentation.
Here you try out different things, let go off that jacket, or those jeans, those shoes.
But you try out replacements.
You mismatch smtimes, but smtimes smth Genius pops out.
You take note.
Iterate.
You get some compliments.
So its about:
-One, Analysis (be aware of style and copy).
-Two, Synthesis (experiment and iterate).
Dont worry, this process takes YEARS, not days, dont overstress this sh.
And after a while you finalle get your own style.
Finally, adding Two things to bring it Home:
1 Style FUNDAMENTALS
2 Eye for Aesthetics
1 Style FUNDAMENTALS
Cant believe that have to Talk abt this sh, given its For Me Logic asf and Googeable, but I see so many MFs doing The BASICS WRONG ASF.
Talking 9/10 guys on the street, GLOBALLY.
The Style TRIAD, aka the 3 F’s:
1 Fit
2 Fabric
3 Function
1 Fit.
Fit is king. Make sure your pants are the right length and waist. Your shirt sleeves long enough and fit, not too tight, not too baggy. And this applies to all your clothes. DYOR. Make sure you dial this in. So many guys fail this part, its uncanny.
2 Fabric
Think those no label designer clothes. They’re expensive, but the quality tends to very good. Why you should focus on the quality of the fabric is that it will make you feel good. And if you feel good, you will look good. It pours out of you.
3 Function
Imagine showing up to a gala with dress code black or white, in your shorts and flipflops. No bueno. Dress with and for a function. Context is key. When in doubt, a good heuristic is to be slightly overdressed, rather than under. This separates boys from men.
Finally, the last style part:
2 Eye for Aesthetics
From personal xperience and discussing it with a bro who has Taste, have found that the Underlying Reason some dress Appallingly Hideous asf is bc they have p1sspoor taste.
To get rid of that, Immerse more in Aesthetics. Art, architecture, well curated fashion.
You seen those tweets that get lots of Engagement with those Beautiful pics, thats what Im talking about. Absorb that sh1t. Until it becomes Second Nature.
And then it will, Eventually, Spill over to your own Personal Style.
3 Genetics.
You are born with certain genes, which makes you look in a certain way. Things you Cant control:
-race/skin color
-height
-body type, ecto meso that stuff
You get it. FOOLISH to ruminate over things you cant control. This is not what makes you Handsome.
What you CAN control:
-physicality + style => Which we have COVERED in Depth.
-voice/tonality (will get to that in part B)
-personality (part C)
-frame
On and on.
Which brings us to Epigenetics.
4 Epigenetics
DYOR on this. But sometimes your Environment, Will and Habits will transform you to do things they say you are Not destined to do.
-weak genes for drinking => Heavy Drinker
-scrawny genes => Jacked Super Chad
All because you put in time and effort into it
Not a scientist and dont have a f muh “source?” – but seen it time and time again how some guys Overcome their so called “destiny”.
Your will is your destiny.
You can be healthy, jacked, strong. If you will it.
Environment + Habits is the name of the game.
B How you think/speak
5 Intellectuality
6 Tonality
7 Humor
Intellectuality
This one is all about context.
A dumb person can still be handsome, but sometimes when you dial up your Intellectual Side in the RIGHT setting you can come across as more Handsome.
Lets say genetically, facially, visually you’re not that good looking. Average. This is where your Intellectuality is gonna be your Force multiplier.
Let me share a personal example.
Im at the bar. Top class. 5 Stars.
Nod the bartender, shake his hand, ask his name.
After the pleasantries, he asked me what I want, instantly I go for a Bloody Mary. The decisiveness and competence shocks him a bit. I know what I want and he can tell I’ve been to places such as this.
Intellectual.
To round it off.
I ask, What do you put in the Bloody Mary?
He says, Belvedere Vodka.
Good choice. Some people say one can make it with tequila, you do that? He wants to whip out those bottles – I stop him. Nah I like it with Vodka. Just curious if it was a thing…
Ever tried it with Mezcal, would make for an interesting angle..
His eyes light up and we start vibing from there on.
At the end I showed him my expertise. This is being Intellectual. Now this particular setting might not be for everyone. Find your context, your passion, and showcase your passion in said context, it will make you handsome.
Summary:
1 Find what you like
2 Get great at it
3 Find the perfect setting to showcase your Greatness
4 Be perceived as Intellectual/Handsome
Tonality.
I’ve spoken about this before. Here’s a primer:
Some guys just sound cinematic. If this isnt you, thats OK. You have to cater to your own strength. And be mindful of any potential weaknesses in your voice.
Lets dive further into this:
indiscrepancy between voice and visage.
Some guys have a Very high pitched voice, but this surprises people because they look lethal and they were expecting something Low and Gravelly. This is Great, you maintain the Handsomeness.
However if you were to be a skinny dweeb with High voice, no bueno.
Inversely, if you’re skinny but have a Deep Low voice, this increases your Perceived Handsomeness.
Ideally, you want to be jacked with low voice, thats handsome.
That was about high and low voice, but lets talk about the way you sound. The quirks. The color.
The Uniqueness of your voice – Your Accent.
Personally have an accent that is all over the place. Which is acquired, instead of learned. However if you want to learn one, it is possible. Just look at actors.
Embellish where you are from and be proud of it.
Liverpool, Scouse Accent. UK has a lot of Epic Ones. US, too. Southern Drawl. Or perhaps French Canadian.
Wherever you are from, it lends Color to your Voice.
It provides Character and Authenticity. And thus, Value.
Which all build your Handsomeness.
Finally, Humor.
Personally Im not a funny guy and I accept that.
However you can watch a lot of Comedians on YT performing and learn a lot about it.
Humor is about holding frame and been there done that kinda vibe. Holding your own in conversation with energy and wit.
This is not about cracking jokes, but moreso about funny comebacks. People want to see if you have a Thick Skin. If you’re Thick Skined, you are competent, emotionally mature and experiences. All of which make you more Handsome.
Skinny dweeb + Humor > just skinny dweeb
So Humor shows:
1 Personality
2 Confidence
3 Experience
4 (Emotional) Maturity
5 (Form of) Intellectuality
If you want to learn ALL there is about Tonality, learn from the best of the best, a Vocal Coach, with YEARS of experience in the Opera Singing and Vocal Coaching Business. He’s tweaked my vocal performance and coached me, personally. I suggest checking this out: Noble Tone. (Full review dropping soon).
C How you are
How you are: Personality.
This one can make or break you. But it all depends on how much in tune with yourself you are. If you have an unflappble core, nothing phases you.
Introversion v Extraversion
There is nuance ofc, but roughly these are the two types one can be. If you want to learn all about it, I recommend Susan Cain her book “Quiet”.
Whether you’re introvert or extravert is mostly genetic, chemical and depends on certain brainparts
Wont go too deep on neuroscience, but the analogy best given is viewing the brain as a Battery. Introverts their brain gets drained in a crowd; extraverts have the exact opposite.
Know thyself; Know which type you are.
This does not mean you should lack social skills.
This does not mean have low energy and be a zombie. Having high energy is key, but would need a seperate thread to address.
If you want to know more about your personality, you can do certain personality tests:
-enneagram
-MBTI
-numerology (more esoteric)
-blood type (Japenese love this one)
-OCEAN
And ofc there are many more out there. Personally I found the MBTI always matches me up with the same friends or lovers. Same for numerology. But DYOR.
Not going into each test, that would take too long.
In Part 2, we spoke about Humor, bc it was more about How to Speak. But BEING funny is also very much so about who you Are. I just know guys who ARE funny, they have it since I’ve known them. Nothing to be learned About it. Myself, not so funny, so lean into your Strengths.
Since we’re talking about being xyz, here are some options of what you might be:
-stoic
-broody/moody
-nerdy/geeky
-adventurous
-floaty/philosophical
-fakecel incel sigma grindset (lol, I had to)
-serious ASF
-humble
-respectful
-loving/kind
You get the point.
It doesnt mean that you are 100% just one type. But people are an amalgam of multiple types. By nature. Some things, yes, can be learned, but some things, most things are/were there by nature. Be true to your nature, life will get easier. You will be more handsome.
Where there is strengths, there’s also weaknesses. Since we have limited resources in our life, time and energy and money, there’s two things you can do:
-double down on ONLY Strengths
-find out your weaknesses, and work on them a bit, whilst still catering to your strengths
To each their own. In the past, I personally spend time on the latter, but recently shifted more to the former. Experiment heavily.
Finally, Handsomeness is about perception. If you’re serious, you will be perceived as more Handsome by those who love that type.
If you’re funny, you will be perceived as more handsome by those who love that. And so on. You get it.
This is about Frame and Archetypical Natures.
D How you are Perceived
How you are PERCEIVED determines how handsome you are.
An analogy about frame to give you an idea how important it is the perceived beauty of an item. Go to a museum. Walk around, look, till you struck upon a piece that you like very much in terms of beauty. Ask yourself why is that? Let the answer come. NOW comes the trick and key..
Look at the FRAME. The Literally frame of the painting; ah! How does it look like, what color, motifs etc… now IMAGINE a different frame around the painting, but in a way choose it so that the painting becomes APPALLING; this effect in your mind is the power of frame.
The value of a piece may be x out of 10. However it is contextual; if not put in the right place, at the right time, in front of the right people
Another story to hammer in the point.
They did an experiment. A TRAINED violinst. Put him just on some random street, hat out
The value of a piece may be x out of 10. However it is contextual; if not put in the right place, at the right time, in front of the right people
Another story to hammer in the point.
They did an experiment. A TRAINED violinst. Put him just on some random street, hat out
From those two stories it is thus not only what IS your value, but what is your PERCEIVED value.
Before we move on to the deepest later, and imho the root rather than all the symptoms lets address the question:
But how do I be more handsome then, through proper frame?
hooa.
I am a writer and am perceived as such. (This is congruency and alignment and recognition btw…) Put me in front of FIFTY Million women, they will take that is Weesh. However put me in front of some other fifty million women, they’ll get W- they think its great.
I used to travel a lot. And even dress a bit like a hipster. I did find I ALWAYS met the same type of people. Eg: at hostel, bars, student meeting etc; we were all there to have a good time and drink and bond and meet cute women.
That was my frame.
So if you’re a skater…
Dress like it, go to skateparks, guess what – you’re gonna be perceived as such. You’re sk8ter boi rockstar. GL, now you’re handsome in that sense, in that frame, for those people.
Can make MANY more examples but think you got the point, lets dive FINALLY into the keystone.
Archetypical Nature. Coined and or Championed by Carl GustavJung, with his Archetypes theory. Also popularized by Robert Moore, King Warrior Lover Magician and Joseph Campbell’s Hero Journey and Thousand Faces.
Dive in, if this fascinates you.
Who are YOU?
Lets take the Moore Four: King Warrior Magician Lover.
99% of men would think they are King.
LOL. Just lol. It takes a long time. Humbled by life. Beat to sh, trials and scars and heartaches and mindshattering conondrums. Before you think: Ah yeah, I am not a King.
Lets take the Moore Four: King Warrior Magician Lover.
99% of men would think they are King.
LOL. Just lol. It takes a long time. Humbled by life. Beat to sh, trials and scars and heartaches and mindshattering conondrums. Before you think: Ah yeah, I am not a King.
It truly takes a man a LIFE time of dedication, devotion, commitment, courage, discernment and WISDOM to truly dig deep in the diamond in the rough he is.
What are some tips to find your type?
First, overstand you are not just ONE type. You’re an amalgam. See it as a —
— venn diagram. Each type that houses in you, is a circle. And all circles overlap; where they overlap, the intersection THATs you.
How do I find the circles?
Thing is, they already there. Just have to shine a light on them. And people are the foil MIRROR to your character…
(these are writing and book technical terms, but it works IRL)
I opened this platform and started cranking out writing because I THOUGHT I was a writer. Question was would I be PERCEIVED as such. In my downtime, I was rained with compliments. “Your works matter. Keep going …
… You’re writing is great. Raw unique authentic.”
(also got some hate ofc, LOL, not the point!)
I had the Writer Archetype in me ALL along; you the audience as the mirror REFLECTED that back to me. I then took notice of it:
-compliment folder (phone, pc, notion)
-testimonials (for marketing purposes)
-DMs/Convos with tw mutuals
-visible growth/engagement (taking Ws/dopamine is fired off)
-flowstate reached easily doing all this
-sense of excitement when writing
on and on.
Rounding it off. How does this ALL make me handsome, Fury?
How handsome you are is subjective. It is up to you to either find, create, manipulate your frame, or position your such that you are perceived as handsome. A big component of this is through Identifying your Archetype(s) inherent to your makeup, and then casting a light on them.
Thank you for reading. If you want to learn more suave secrets, check this out.
If you want to Level up your Social Fluency, I, myself, Ego, Atlas and Evil saint, the frikkin GOATS of Social Skills, Bodylanguage, Persuasion, ANTI Manipulation we are all in SSU, Social Skills University, I suggest you give it a look HERE.
Talk soon,
Fury.
