What to do when you’re poisoned

What to do when you’re poisoned

An ode to life

So in hindsight, bit sneakily, I created this tweet which unleashed a maelstrom of answers which form the meat, and vital inspiration point of light for this blog piece.

I had tweeted/asked the following:

You got poisoned, you got 2 hours left to live, what do you do?

And the response was massive. But what struck me, the answers tbh were all over the place, some funny, foxxy, trynna get out of the conondrum of the posed dilemma, but those who did not want to undermine, even jokingly, the main tenant and jab and point the tweet made – It’s about…

You’re going to die. Dead. It’s over. What are you going to do if you have two hours left to live? And here, since death is the other side of the coin, life the other side, this coin in constant zugzwang, juxaposition, yin and yang, the ultimate dichotomy always in the air, like the Sword of Damocles – this is the most important question.

What do you live for, because death makes you focus on what truly matters most. And on the present moment, and enjoyment and savoring of life.

I thought it funny, and cool, to leave out the handles of all the comments and just present these slices of life and vitality and this massive URGE to live.

The following is an ode to life.

Q: You got poisoned, you got 2 hours left to live, what do you do?

A (multiple people, not one, fyi):

Swing my balls about, same as everyday

Call the closest family members and talk to them.

Find the anti venom
Do a blood transfusion

Die in glorious battle

Smoke a cigar & hand over my wealth to my family

pray, talk briefly with with my loved ones, kiss my kids, tell my mother I’m coming to see her and then spit in the Reaper’s eye with God and the world my witnesses

Wreak havoc.

Drink more poison and last 2-4+ hours. I’ll be fucked if I’m told when I’m gonna die #Hooa

Delete my browsing history

Creampie a bitch

Find a cure?

Call Dr.Fauci

Find somewhere beautiful to hold my love and make some family phone calls


⬆️ ⬆️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬅️ ➡️ ⬅️ ➡️ 🅰️🅱️🅰️🅱️⬛️

Get an antidote, I ain’t fkin dying

Keep drinking poison to extend my stay


I love my family deeply but I would like to be alone and replay my greatest memories with a river in front of me . Laugh as I fall into death’s arms

Get a rowing boat and head to the water one last time

Call my mum and tell her I wish I did more, call my dad and tell him I wish we understood each other better, call my sisters and tell them I love them to specks.


Go for a Long Drive… with someone special

Impregnate my fine ass gf to ensure my genes live on

Convert all my cash assets into Bitcoin and write down the keys

Making sure my passwords to things like iCloud are known

Handwrite final letters to loved ones

Smoke the rest of my weed

Drink the last of my booze

Stare at the sky

Pass on

Eat as much Steak until last Breath.

Honestly something illegal

Get into a meditative state and prepare to leave my body to reincarnate.

Take a heroic dose of shrooms

Eat a shitload of activated charcoal. I say when I go.

Get life insurance so my fam gets ton of 💰💰

Wait for the poison to kick in

Dunno. Its poison, so I assume Ill just have the shits for the entire 2 hours. Then die on the toilet like Elvis.

Tell the poison to take me now

Sweat out the poison with a good gym session 🧪

Find a cure. Haha just kidding that was cheap. Depends on how the poison effects me. If it’s a disgusting terrible sight, I’d hide and call all my loved ones. If it wasn’t traumatic looking I’d be gathered with my kids and family until the end.

Go lift. Lat pull downs, Barbell rows. The iron will give me inspiration what to do with the remaining time.

Kill the one who poisoned me.

Smoke a cigar

Write a few letters. Write my final thoughts. Walk the streets a bit. Smoke and have a drink with myself. Toast to the end of an hour and die in front of the last bit of light ill see in this incarnation.

Disperse cash, smoke, drink and fuck.

Call my daughters, my gf would understand if the clock ran out

Cry out to God. Call my brother to meet me (it will take each of us an hour, so I can spend one hour in person with him). Then call all my other siblings who are too far away. Then my grandmothers. Then my best friend. Hug my brother when we meet. Keep talking to everyone.

I’ll just lay down and watch the sky. If is night time the stars. If I’m close to the beach. Just enjoy it. At the end, is just me, myself and I.

Tell my family how much they mean to me, and then walk into the forest and read the Bible until I eventually die.

Ignore the concept of time, who knows if you’ve got 2 hours right now? Live your life.

Spend all of it in the sun with my parents and my cats. Pray to God in my mind.

Go somewhere green

Nut in as many as possible

Smoke a cigar

Family. Call them, hug them, do my wife a last couple times assuming it’s not contagious 🙂

Call my family to tell them I love them and then go as fast as I possibly can on my motorbike.

Let work know i won’t be in the next day. Or ever.

Hug and kiss my loved ones. Burn my journals. Give my crypto passwords to my brother.

Call my family. Have 20 yr old scotch.

Quickly go through the five stages of grief

Pray to God to forgive me. hug the ones i love.

Kill the perpetrator, smoke a cigarette, drink some whiskey, and then make love to my wife.

Tell everyone I love, how much I love them

Im for sure writing a guide to end times for my friends, and a will and personal letters to my loved ones. Then drive to my parents house and chill till im gone.

i will run as long as I can breathe and when I am unable to run anymore and collapse to the ground i will watch the world carefully for the last time

Write/email/call a few people… Pet/play with my cats Smoke my pipe in the back yard, watching the birds Say good bye to the wifey

Pray for a cure

Hang with my family

Smoke a cigar, enjoy the scenery.

hug my mom, dad and brother

“Crank” it up!

Eat with my love

*posted a photo of scarface, in the end, with piles of coke on the table*

I would talk to my kids and say goodbye to my brothers.

Relax, stuff my face, text my boss and let gim know. I couldn’t do anything worthwhile in 2 hours.

Get at least 3 hoes pregnant

Try to remember all my passwords so my family can access literally everything

Have a wank

Tbh I just loooooooled so hard at some of the answers. And just burst into so many emotions, just reading this, I dont even have the name for those feelings… they were all just so REAL. So vivid. Heartfelt. And just people here to stay their keep. And LIVE.

It was clear as day that the big themes were:

-spend time with your family and or loved ones.

-sex, and drugs, and or booze, and or smoke.

-leave some form of legacy. People seem to be occupied with passing down and forward passwords of bank accounts and crypto.

-let go and be one with nature (water was a big fav! always is tbh…lesson there!!)
-spend the time in peace, and in the quiet of your mind, in solitude

-do that ONE thing you always wanted to do, even if it is illegal

-ZERO risk aversity, because there is no risk, anymore – an incredible way to live tho…
-die on your own terms

-align yourself with your maker, whether that’s God, or whomever you worship as maker.
-people seem to be big on PRAYER

Man, what a ride this was, I think I am gonna ask this more and more, get more Cool answers and keep updating this post. It breeds so much life, and clarity, if I think abt it DEEPLY, its just insane.

And ofc it gives gratitude for the sanctity of life.

Till next time,

Thank you for reading


[Updated: 11/8/22]

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